Back Again
by pleasejustbuildasnowman
Summary: Clarke runs to Tondc, where she admits to having less of a heart than she thought she did. She is broken, fearless, and thrusting herself into battle. This time, it's up to Lexa to convince her that life should be about more than just surviving. Clexa fanfic that takes place directly after Season 2. Currently a one-shot, but working on more chapters.


Back Again

"We will take back what the Ice Nations took from us," Lexa said. Her voice rang over the crowds of people. Hundreds of familiar faces stared up at her. "We are not survivors. We are warriors. And we will fight."

A roar of approval met her. She could feel it against her skin. It climbed up the hill she stood on and pressed into her heart. There was strength and power in her. This was all hers. She was invincible.

"Jus drein jus daun," she said to the crowd. They echoed her until their voices were hers, and she commanded the world.

They continued her chant as she turned her back to them. She descended the other side of the mountain. Indra waited for her.

"You have started the war," she said. Her eyes bored into Lexa's. "They will fight for you, commander."

Lexa's eyes pierced through her. The woman's face wore new lines between her brows from worry.

"Do you disagree, still?"

"Mount Weather is no longer a threat. We should remain strong to fight the Sky People. They will come."

Lexa shook her head. She could not remain stationary for another day. Someday they would have to move on. "We cannot spend every day waiting for the revenge of broken alliances."

Indra backed away and said no more. Lexa walked past her with her chin raised high. Blood would have blood.

Lexa made her way to the base of the hill. Her guards lingered around her fire and cooked meat from yesterday's hunting expedition. The moment she sat down on the chiseled log, food was thrust into her hand.

 _Power and strength,_ Lexa reminded herself. This was what she needed. She did not need soft lips or warm arms in the middle of the night. Those desires were weaknesses that she buried in war.

The commander ripped at the meat in her hands, and wiped her mouth with her sleeve. Those around her followed suit. The only sound was that of tearing meat and the crackling fire.

Everything came to an abrupt stop when a rough shout issued from the forest.

The commander sprung to her feet just as she heard the crunch of leaves and an arrow whistling through the wind.

The growth was pushed aside, and two men with faces painted green appeared with a limp thing between them. A familiar groan made Lexa's already short breaths stop.

Her shoulders were tight, and she held a knife in her hand. She reminded herself to breathe as she trained her eyes on the opening of the forest.

As they stumbled into the clearing, Lexa mind went blank. She hardly even registered the names of her warriors.

All she could see was the blonde girl, crumpled on the ground. Her wrists were bloody and held in the hands of the two men.

"Release her," Lexa said.

They did not.

"I said, release her."

"Commander, she was outside of our base. Next to your tent."

"Lexa," the girl on the ground said. Her voice was raw.

"Let her go," Lexa said.

They released her wrists. Clarke stayed upright despite the brokenness that consumed her body. She looked like a skeleton. Her blonde hair dripped from her head, and her cheeks were smeared with blood. Dirt coated her arms and her neck.

Lexa did not see this. This, she noticed every day in warrior after warrior.

All she could see were Clarke's green eyes staring at her. They were laser sharp, and Lexa flinched away from them.

"You're bleeding," Lexa said. She pretended that her voice didn't waiver.

Clarke nodded slowly. Her eyebrow quirked and her lips pressed together in a line as she stood. Lexa remembered those lips against hers, and she remembered what they had taught her.

Clarke winced as she straightened her legs, but she did not drop her eyes from Lexa's.

Lexa scanned her body, past the dirt smeared skin and the balled up fists, and noticed the arrow imbedded in her leg. Her jeans seeped with blood.

"You shot her," Lexa said. Her eyes shot their own arrows at her guards.

"She was a threat."

She nodded and took a breath. These were her direct commands.

"We can talk alone," Lexa said.

Clarke nodded slowly, and Lexa's gut sank.

Lexa turned her back on the girl. She knew that she was not one to attack from behind. That was her job.

Stares followed the pair as they made the way to her tent. Lexa made eye contact with as many people as possible to assure them that she was okay. None of them knew who the savage blonde girl was. She was altered beyond recognition.

Only Indra stood in her way and regarded the limping girl with hostility. Lexa met her sharp eyes and nodded, and the older woman fell back.

Lexa swept through her curtains and turned around in the middle of her room. Clarke was only a few feet away, and stalking closer.

"How dare you?" she said. Her voice was even, and her jaw was fixed. Every muscle of her body was focused on Lexa.

"I did what you would have done," Lexa said. She did not back up, and she did not breathe.

Lexa prayed that there was something between them to stop Clarke from advancing further, but there was not.

"I wouldn't have betrayed my friends. I wouldn't have broken an alliance. My word means something."

Lexa swallowed. If she reached out, she could touch her. She turned and took a piece of the bundle of cloth that piled on her table. "You would protect your people."

Clarke's dead green eyes dropped to the ground. She took in a deep breath. "Yes." She met Lexa's eyes. "But I would not have betrayed you."

Lexa stretched a cloth in her hands and took a step toward Clarke. "Here," Lexa said. She knelt down at Clarke's feet. "Lie down."

"I can do it myself." Clarke grabbed the fabric from her hands, and walked to Lexa's bed. She sat down and gripped the arrow in her hand. Lexa got to her feet to protest.

As she stood, Clarke pulled the arrow out. Air hissed through her teeth, but she did not close her eyes.

"Clarke," Lexa said. She moved toward her.

"Don't touch me." Clarke began to wrap the cloth around her leg.

Lexa turned her back on the girl and went to the table covered in maps. She glared down at the map of the Ice Nations. It had been displayed on the table in her tent for days, with figurines that were supposed to represent armies. She took the left flank and moved it a centimeter to the right, and moved it back a moment later. She looked at the netting on the ceiling in exasperation.

"How could you let innocent people die?" Clarke said. Her voice was closer than anticipated.

Lexa took a deep breath before turning to face the girl. "Your people did not die."

"You didn't know that."

"I know you."

Clarke studied the woman's face. Her speculative and soft eyes were circled with black paint. Her jaw was set. There was a familiar gold circle stuck to her forehead.

"Not enough," Clarke said.

"You couldn't let them die. Same as me."

Clarke shook her head. Her lips curled up and she took a step toward the commander. Her hips were almost pressed against Lexa's. "You think that I care too much about people. But you're wrong. I don't care about anyone."

Lexa leaned back, but kept her gaze fixed with Clarke's. "You do."

"I killed three hundred people to save fifty of my own. I killed children. And I killed friends. I let all of them burn. I didn't give them a chance." Clarke stared at her without a single light flickering across her eyes. These were facts to her now.

"You did the right thing."

"I know." Her voice was calculated. She had molded herself into a machine.

Lexa flinched. Clarke was emotion and trust. She had threatened to break an alliance to protect her friend. She believed in doing more than surviving, and trusting her instincts. There was so much love in her heart. Love that had seeped out and affected Lexa despite her barriers.

She needed to be reminded of it.

"You care about them all. You cared about me. Your beliefs made you a good leader."

"I'm just leading myself, now."

"You were made for more than that."

Clarke bit her lip and shook her head. Her back remained straight, but her jaw began to slacken. Her lips twitched. She looked like she wanted to run, but she didn't know where.

Lexa took a step forward, and kissed her.

 _Here is where you can go._

Clarke deepened the kiss for only a moment before she pushed her off. "Just because I understand you now," her eyebrows furrowed together, "doesn't mean I care about you."

"I know," Lexa said. Her stomach twisted, but she stared down at Clarke's lips still.

"I came here because I want a way back. I want to be a commander."

"Okay." Lexa's gaze flashed to her table of maps. "Help us win this Ice war."

Lexa regretted the words as they left her lips. Clarke made her irrational, and having her around in such a horrible battle would prove unwise. Indra would kill her if the Ice Nation did not. She would be another Costia.

She saw Clarke's lips rise into something resembling a smile, and she could not take it back. This girl was broken, and she needed to be built back together.


End file.
